Proposed New Federal Holiday… FiDoS: The First Day of School

By Bridget Clark, SBA Credit Manager, Core Bank Loan Production Office

The days are long, hot, and dusty. The kids are bored out of their minds, fighting over the remote control, starving because there is no food in the house. It’s the end of summer at the Clark residence. But the end is in sight! The first day of school starts in exactly 8 days, 5 hours, 15 minutes, 36 seconds (yes, I am counting.)

FiDoS : The First Day of School

I look forward to the first day of school each year because I truly believe it saves my sanity. To fully appreciate this very special day, I’m ready to petition the White House for a new federal holiday that should be called First Day of School, or FiDoS.

The day would be honored with the following activities:

  • Forcibly push the kids onto the school bus. Do a happy dance as your kids stare at you from their seat on the school bus. Slightly crazy? Completely humiliate your 13-year old in front of his friends? Yes. Totally worth it.
  • Go into your house and enjoy the peace and quiet with an adult beverage. You deserve it. No kids yelling, no parents yelling (guilty as charged), and no televisions blaring. Just silence.
  • Your house will stay clean for eight hours until the kids come home. Enjoy that fresh lemon scent bathroom cleaner while you can. It’s better than any perfume you own.
  • Burn last year’s backpacks because they’re filthy and disgusting. Don’t actually look in the backpacks, just throw them into the backyard and light a match (keep a water hose handy just in case.)
  • Donate all the clothing that is located on your kids’ bedroom floors. Yes, there’s carpet in their rooms, you just haven’t seen the carpet in over a year. This is the time to ensure that your 8-year old never wears that dirty, stained Spiderman t-shirt ever again.
  • Replenish all soap, shampoo and toothpaste in the kids’ bathrooms. The kids will be required to start bathing again. At my house, the kids believe that swimming in the public pool counts as a shower. We had to have a discussion about that once I figured out they hadn’t showered for an entire week. I won’t even mention their tooth brushes.
  • Open your food pantry door and simply stare at all of the food that will actually be there at the end of the week. A bag of chips won’t disappear in two hours after getting home from the grocery store. Hallelujah!
  • End the day on a high note. Send the kids to bed early, as they have school in the morning!

School teachers won’t be able to celebrate this new holiday, but they get summers off. And snow days. I think it’s fair.

So who’s with me? Who wants to celebrate their sanity? Who is ready to sign my FiDoS petition for our next federal holiday, First Day of School?